Self-diagnosed disease?

#unwelcomingcomments #cultural #gender

I am a proud Cambodian. I appreciate my culture and tradition, and it is beautiful in so many ways. I love my people. I think we are very kind in general.

And some things are a bit outdated, especially the imbalance of patriarchal power in society and daily life. I am a bit tired of that.

I do not want to make this post sound like "all men are bad" or similar phrases. I am writing about this one occasion because it is not a good habit to stay silent when someone says something that hurts us, as I tell myself.

I grew up hearing these: "I was born before you. You gotta listen to what I say.", "You can't say that. That word will hurt our family's reputation.", "Make sure you don't say anything in this meeting." So I mostly stayed quiet when I was younger.

I was learning to speak up when I was abroad, and when I finally felt ready to put it into practice, I am now not in the most culturally liberal place to practice that. So now I am learning to speak up but still stay respectful in my culture. I hope I will be able to master this skill one day.

Maybe I should write about why I put the image above too. The post from @latinxparenting is very similar to what I am about to write, but not the same thing. You will see. I guess I am putting the image here as a supporting image. :)

Here the story goes - at my home, we sell sugarcane water and secondhand women's clothes. A guy who works nearby came over to have a look at a few dresses. It was around 3 pm. I greeted him as what a seller would do. He was looking at a form-fitting dress and asked about the price. I told him the price, and he said: "This dress would look so good for someone whose body is like yours." I guess one could take that as a compliment. Instead, I was mad.

AND it was also rude of him. I think if he were respectful, he wouldn't have said such things. He wouldn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable and think: "How does he know my body type? How long has he been watching me? Creep!".

I shared this encounter with a trusted friend yesterday.

Today we were talking, and I jokingly said: "I might have something against men. I don't want to talk to them." - referring to the guy and any other guys that start a conversation commenting on other people's bodies or making other people feel uncomfortable in their bodies.

Here's the funny part - the friend said that I might have a hate-men disease (not sure if this disease exists in vocabulary yet). She is worried about me, and she said that I shouldn't take everything too seriously. I hear her and her point of view. She was born before the Khmer Rouge regime, so what she learned throughout her life growing up is different from what I'm learning today. The perspective, the way of thinking. It might be the case that she wouldn't speak up to any sexist comment or anything that makes her uncomfortable. She is not scared of them. She doesn't want trouble.

Going back to the time the guy said that to me. I didn't say anything. I was there to cover for my mom's shop a bit while she went running a few errands, and I don't want to ruin her shop's reputation by my too-strong comments to her potential customers. So I didn't say anything, which might be the reason why my blood was boiling.