Power and violence in traditional(?) households
- Winta
- Apr 16, 2022
- 3 min read
Updated: Jun 5, 2022

Growing up, I have seen and heard so much violence happening in households around and near me. In some ways, I am nervous to have a family myself, because I don't want to unconsciously repeat what I saw or what happened to me to the people I love. I have read somewhere that I can break the cycle starting from myself, but I am honestly nervous. I wish I could share this with my parents when I say I might not want to get married, but I don't want them to think that they did anything wrong. I just talked with my siblings about how lucky we are to have my parents as our parents. I think they did a great job at parenting, despite their shortcomings and mistakes. We know that they were doing their best at breaking the cycles from their generation as well.
Anywho, enough about my household, and moving to the households that got me to write this. Two households in particular that I have in mind as I am writing this.
Household #1 - the husband cheated on the wife and impregnated another lady somewhere, while the legal wife also recently just had their third baby. The wife doesn't have a job now as she needs to stay home to look after the newborn kid and her two other children. Both the husband and the wife have anger management issues - they shouted at and hit their 12-year-old and 10-year-old children often. One night I was going to leave my house to go stop them, but my family stopped me from doing that, saying that I shouldn't intervene. I feel helpless and angry. I feel bad for the children who got beat up. Going back to the power-role part, I was wondering why she stayed. Maybe because she depends on her husband financially? My mom would tell me to mind my business. I do mind my own business. I just think a lot. I don't know if I can do much for them, but I can wish for more women not to have to depend on others financially, and have the freedom and ability to safely leave any toxic relationships. I acknowledge that it is not always safe to leave either. I have read many stories that one cannot just leave their toxic relationships, because it could be dangerous to them as well.
Household #2 - the husband has been abusive so far that I have lived near their home. The husband and the wife have a restaurant business. Whenever the husband got a bit too drunk with his customers or peers, he would throw plates all over late at night and scream a lot of random things. The wife recently gave birth as well, and they now have a 4-year-old, 2-year-old, and a few-month-old at home. One night, the husband got drunk again, and he screamed at around 11 pm. (I was still awake and had my window open for air, and I could hear everything across the street.) He said, and I quote: "since I have been with you, I have never been happy." To the wife, I assume. Again, I didn't do anything. Though I still have my wish. I wish that more and more women could walk away from this kind of relationship, that they could walk away the moment they are no longer respected.
Growing up and until nowadays, I have seen many relationships where it is not safe to walk away, or that they are not able to walk away due to personal reasons that I don't know (i.e. financial, fear of being alone, etc.). If they are strangers, what is my role in supporting them? What can I do?
These questions will stick with me for a while and might come up again when I see these situations, either from far or close to me.
Do you know any organizations that work to help women in abusive relationships in Cambodia? If there is one, you could reach out to them. They might be able to advice on how to act and what to do to better support the women and children in those households. Violence is awful and its hard to bear witness to it and feel like you cannot do anything to prevent it and make it stop. I hope you take care of yourself too and be safe.