I miss the times when my feet couldn’t reach the foot-rest in the back of motorbike.
It was quite cute. I was tiny, and my fingers couldn’t reach each other yet as I hugged my mom, dad, or a motor taxi driver as they drove.
I miss the times when all I had to think about was study and passing the exams, and what not to do to not get scolded.
What a privilege to not having to think about other things… much thanks to the hard work of my parents to provide for me and my siblings.
As I am learning and studying, I realize that not everyone gets to have their childhood. Not the children in Gaza, in Myanmar, Sudan, Congo, to name a few.
I miss the times when I don’t know a lot. What a privilege to be able to access education. Not many people have that. Many have to start earning income in young ages, which sometimes makes it hard to grow their career…
I miss the times when I don’t know a lot and could just move through life without looking at it through many intersectional lenses of class, race, identity, gender, and oh so many other ones.
I could just be friend and stay friend with people and not having to pick and choose to only stay with those whose values align with mine.
But it feels so much freer and better when I’m talking with people whose values align with mine.
But it feels so much more human when I am humbled by the complexity and the beautiful and not-beautiful sides of those complexities in making someone or some situations the unique way they are.
And I wonder if I can combine and remake my current state of mind to be both playful, yet serious, yet considerate, yet not too serious, yet chill, yet doing what I am capable of and let go of things I can’t control…
I think it is possible, but it is hard for me to find that balance right now. I feel that the world has so much hate, capitalistic and materialistic motives, and competition…
I’m not any better though. I am a product of all these too. And I’m always fighting with my thoughts and myself.
Though, I am grateful to my family and a few close friends who I know that they care about me, even if we don’t talk all the time.
Anyway, that’s all for now. I hope you have ways to stay sane in this chaotic world. I understand that being ignorant could be one way to go, but it feels so human to join the humanity force in healing and supporting each other, in standing in solidarity with one another to our capacity.
Comments