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Patriarchy? Social norms?

  • Writer: Winta
    Winta
  • Apr 16, 2022
  • 2 min read

Updated: Jun 5, 2022



Per Wikipedia's definition, patriarchy is defined as "an institutionalized social system in which men dominate over others, but can also refer to dominance over women specifically; it can also extend to a variety of manifestations in which men have social privileges over others to cause exploitation or oppression, such as through male dominance of moral authority and control of property". (Source)

This post won't cover everything about patriarchy, but I will share a few things about what bothers me at the moment:

  • Many many men would shamelessly refer to a woman's body as a pig, stick, all the things you have heard. I didn't know people still do that in 2022.

  • Other women would comment on why I cut my hair so short, saying that it's going to look so aggressive, no guy is going to marry me, etc. I know that I can just ignore them. Words hurt though. It's not easy to let go. I want to respond to them that I don't depend on men, and this is my hair, but I just walked out. I guess I did well to ignore them(?)

  • A few male colleagues/peers take my friendly attitude as an invitation for them to order me around. I learn to speak up now, but it hurts me that they think they CAN do that.

When I share about these and other situations to a few older relatives wanting to hear their thoughts, they would advise me to ignore it, walk away, "they're only joking", "they don't have anything else to say", "they just want to start a conversation". I don't think these are good excuses for them to belittle my body, appearance, and value as a person though. I want to let them know that I don't want to hear their comments on my appearance, can we talk about something else, for instance. I wasn't planning to get in fights with them. Maybe it's cultural that people just play it safe, smile, and talk about something else? I'm not supporting that. I hope to learn the kind and effective way to share boundaries and thoughts, especially with someone that doesn't agree with me or has different beliefs. I want to communicate with them.

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