Is pain really necessary to motivate ourselves?

I have listened to and watched the new song by Miley Cyrus "Flowers" about 20 times now, and to me, it seems that there is/was a lot of pain in her. I hope she managed to work through it. Please feel free to read up on the story behind the song on the internet. It is messy. But I am proud of her for showing courage and strength now. It might not have been easy for her.

I could relate a lot to the songs' content, regarding my relationship history. I have been in a few relationships, and there have been ups and downs. Most of my relationships usually ended up giving me lots of pain at the end, before I completely cut them off from my life, and I'm writing this post to remind myself to cut them off sooner if it happens again, to reduce the pain.

Specifically, I want to write about my most recent relationship. This person was very good and kind and loving to me. They helped me feel more confident and it was a great relationship. But then the way things were cut off at the end was rough, and that left me thinking how this kind and loving person, whom I loved and cared about deeply, could become like this to me. I couldn't apprehend how it was possible at first, but I think it's because I'm no longer useful to them. They found a new partner already. They used me up already.

As I shared this story with a few of my close friends, I realized that this is a pattern. My former partners would break up with me, but then they stayed friendly (sometimes flirty) until they find a new partner. I'm just an option or a "stepping stone" for them while they look for a new partner. The worst realization is that I allowed that to happen.

Going back to the title, I still experience lots of pain even though it's been 5 months now since this person left me broken, but as soon as I heard that they are now in a new relationship, there was a new set of pain coming into my body, and it was needed for me to push them out of my brain/memory and had a closure for myself for real this time.

I understand that things happen to teach us something, but this is a bit too painful. I hope I learn to notice things a bit sooner, so I don't feel this broken again. I'm tired.

The pain did motivate me to cut them out completely. So I guess it's helpful. But no more, please.