Belonging

Image source: Education Week

It's been a bit more than a year since I returned home to live with my family in Cambodia, after having studied and worked abroad for a number of years. I am genuinely grateful for all of the opportunities and people who have been there for me and with me throughout this journey. Thank you, families and friends.

I'm now left with lots of experience being independent, maybe a bit too much, which makes it challenging to adapt to living with family and in my own home country again. I have learned a lot though. When I was abroad, I was living in two developed countries, and I grew up in a developing country. People in all these places do things differently - the way they talk, what they talk about, and what they do socially, to name a few.

I currently live in the capital city of Cambodia, where there are a lot of people living here - crowded streets, and loud neighborhoods. Sometimes, it gets a bit too loud for me that I get triggered easily. But maybe I'm used to being on my own, quiet, for a bit too long when I was abroad, and it might take a bit longer time to get used to this environment.

These two questions come up often: Who am I anymore? Where do I belong?

Maybe I can just be like water (a colleague said this to me once, and I like thinking about this phrase). I can just appreciate the people, the time spent with loved ones and family and new peeps I meet in life, the food, and keep on finding things that bring me joy and happiness in life.

My family has recently started meditating and practicing mindfulness, and I'm grateful to be near them to listen to their stories. I used to find it frustrating to be near people all the time, but I'm working on reminding myself that this is what my life is about: the people I spend time with and how I make the most out of each day.

In most Westernized cultures, children move out of their family's home at the age of 18. I asked my family what they'd think if I move out, and they said it's up to me.

Great!

Then I don't remember how this started, but my mom was sharing about how after the Khmer Rouge regime, when Cambodians could return to the capital, people wanted to stay together in the same house instead of having their own houses. Their mindset was to be near each other so they can protect each other because they were traumatized from being separated when the Khmer Rouge regime started. For some reason, that made me understand most Cambodian parents' perspectives on wanting their kids to stay with them until they get married and have a partner to take care of each other. Some of the parents were still thinking about that fear of losing their loved ones and wanting to be there for each other if anything comes up, even though it has been almost 50 years now.

I now decided that I want to be near my family when I can. I might change my mind later, but I will find joy in this and make it work with them.